


Lost Lights

by fandomisfandom



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Stars, The Vagabond, first work lets go, i want to die, space, that is something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 08:30:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10636149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomisfandom/pseuds/fandomisfandom
Summary: It's not until after his second heist Ryan first realizes his love for space.





	

From the moment you are born, your heart lives within the stars.

There's something simple, something so extraordinary that lingers in the sky that draws you in. The state of being everything and nothing; always being there and always being noticed, little by little until it overwhelms and the reality of being alive encompasses you.

It's not until after his second heist Ryan first realizes his love for space.

He was laying down on the cool grass, adrenaline from the successful mission leaving Ryan in small ebbs of energy, leaving him hollow and full and shivering partly from the blades of grass sliding on the back of his neck and partly from the realization he could die.

He could die, and there wouldn't be anything but hollow police reports and empty skulls left to define him. He always thought he was alright with that, but the sudden reality of life left him in a numbed state. He didn't mind if he was Los Santos' worst murderer, nor if he was the best criminal in the country, and he didn't care if that was what he was remembered by.

Or, he thought he didn't care about it. Ryan stays still, keeping his composure even though there was nothing but the stars above him and the grass trapped beneath his body. He blinks his eyes open dreadfully, unable to keep his eyes closed and trapped within his own mind, flashes of red and gold and a bright, alarming neon green occupying his thoughts.

The thoughts whirling in his head roll to a complete still when he sees the constellations up in the sky. He blinks, half expecting them to fade away and disappear and leave him alone and mad and too much for the world to handle and he would be better off dead, dead, dead like the countless people he has violently ripped away from their lives and their families and their-

His eyes open once more, and a calm, hollow feeling takes him into its arms. He doesn’t know whether to be thankful or relieved or let down by the stars being in the exact same spot they were at when he closed his eyes. He closes his eyes again, and instead of expecting them to fade away, he hopes for them to stay. He hopes for them to stay just as much as he hopes none of his friends, his family, get killed and fade away because he couldn’t have been there for them.

He watches the stars and as he does so, Ryan finds himself breathing a little easier. They're constant and predictable in this fickle and sporadic world he finds himself in love with, despite everything he wants to say. They can be the beginning of everything, and they can be the end of everything, too. Ryan can't help but to relate to the tiny formations of stars that are so, so close but also so remarkably far away.

Ryan wishes he could be surrounded by that constant, foreseeable kind of life, but he perks up by only a margin when loud footsteps come his way, bringing chattering teammates and friends and his family and he realizes he wouldn't give them up for anything. Gavin shrieks and falls down next to him, pushed off balance by Michael. Jack peacefully takes a seat next to him, patting the ground next to her for Geoff to situate himself. Ray crashes down onto the ground, laying his head on Ryan's stomach and gazing up into the sky with him as Jeremy joins Michael on wrestling Gavin on the grass.

Ryan feels a warm, happy feeling in his chest and for just a moment, he wants everything to stay the same; just like the stars hanging above them all and just like the skulls buried underneath the earth.

He lets down his composure, and he smiles at the life he has found himself in.


End file.
